After a lovely Christmas with the family in the miserably gray and flooded Fens, we fly from England to sunny Florida in just under 12 hours. So here’s a video of Emily as she attempts to break the world speed record for traveling between two chalk lines on the ground of Plaça de la Virreina on rollerblades:

Kids like to draw on the walls. It’s a messy fact of life. And if you clean it, they’ll just do it again. So why clean it?

That is exactly why the patch of wall next to Sebastian’s seat at the dining room table had the beginnings of so many murky scribbles. But he wasn’t old enough to convince us that he wouldn’t do it again. So we left it. At the end of summer, his musings were even accompanied by the slight smattering of tomato sauce. It wasn’t pretty, but what were we to do?

Own it, that’s what.

Jan went away for a weekend in October and I secretly plotted with the kids to camouflage the eyesore. As a surprise for mommy, we would paint the dining room wall in such a way that no one would notice Sebastian’s scribbles and smudges. And if he tagged the wall again, you wouldn’t really notice. Enter Jackson Pollock.

It was fun to do and I think it turned out rather nice. How did Jan react when she returned from her trip? Have a look for yourself:

And so we left it like that. We had been meaning to get a painting for that wall anyway. And if Sebastian ever learns responsibility and/or self-restraint, we may paint over it in a more traditional manner. In the meantime, the wall served as the background for one of my favorite family portraits from this past year:

The telling of jokes has been huge in our household this past year. Emily’s repertoire has slowly increased and I’m pretty sure she’s at the point where she could eek out a solid 20-minute set. The by-product of all this comedy is that Sebastian tries his best to copy Emily’s jokes and even – lord, help us – invent his own jokes. His originals mostly revolve around poo. Here is Sebastian’s uproarious rendition of the famous Tomato Joke. It’s all in the timing:

And now for something completely different, I give you Emily and her friend Cata performing the surreal – and sometimes indecent – piece of modern theater, The Silly Flowers:

I know I said I couldn’t. But I did.

End of the gymnastics year, that is, which coincides with the school year. So this is actually from this past June. Yeah, I’ve got a few videos on the back burner just waiting to be posted. Better get them out before 2013!

This was at the end of Emily’s first year of gymnastics. And she loved it. Loved it so much that she’s back for a second year and tearing up the spring floor – though the video below is no indication of her current level. Pay no attention to the false start(s). Don’t worry about the handstand-to-forward-flop. Disregard the asynchronicity of it all. Now please pay close attention to the joy in their hearts. And damn, that is one sharp cartwheel.

At the end of last year, the trainers at the club singled Emily out and suggested we place her in the accelerated program. That was very flattering, but we were very concerned with the time commitment. She was already going twice a week, for almost two hours each day. They wanted her to start coming three days a week, for two and a half hours each day, and every other Saturday. That would have meant going from 14 hours a month to 35 hours a month! And she was only five! So we said no, which I think was particularly hard for Jan given her competitive gymnast past. But she agreed. Not this year.

So now she’s the big fish in the little pond, performing stellar splits, cartwheels, and round-offs while the others flop around. As long as she doesn’t get bored, we think we’ll stick with this track. But ask me again in June.

Walking down the street, definitely not talking about cars, before:

Sebastian: That Audi is an A4. It has dual exhaust. It’s faster than the Audi A3 we rented last week. The A3 only has one exhaust pipe.

Me: …

He’s 3.

In an attempt to not steal too much screen time from any Hollywood actor shooting here in Barcelona, I recently followed up my critically-acclaimed role of Man in Bathroom #2 with the similarly-succinct role of Crew Member in the upcoming thriller Grand Piano. I had one day of filming. I remember it like it was yesterday (because I wrote it all down at the time):

October 18, 2012
6am – Alarm goes off. I should be exhausted but the adrenaline is already kicking in. I’ve got one line and I’m totally off book: “Good luck, Tom!”. This is gonna be a piece of cake.

7am – After a quick cab ride to the Teatre Lliure on Montjuic, I’m on set. Now where’s the catering table…

7:20am – One of the ADs has lead us onto the stage of the theater where the Director, Eugenio Mira, talks us through the one scene we’ll be shooting today. A long uncut one-take tracking shot. This is the penultimate day of shooting for the film. They’ve saved one of the most complicated for last.

7:24am – Oh, hello! It took me a few minutes to realize that Elijah Wood is sitting right next to me.

8am – In wardrobe, they’ve got my Crew Member outfit lied out. Black pants, black top. I look sharp.

8:20am – Hair and makeup doesn’t take very long. I do get a beard trim, which is always nice. But I unfortunately entered the trailer talking a little too loud. At least that’s what one of the makeup girls suggests by her urgent pantomime while secretly pointing at Elijah who is receiving a relaxing facial massage in the corner.

8:40am – Back at catering. Nice sandwiches.

9am – On set again, ready to get down to work. The AD gives us a pep talk, explaining how complicated today is going to be and how important our cooperation and patience will be. Sounds like the exact same speech I give my actors on tech rehearsal day. There are three principal actors on set today – Elijah Wood, Alex Winter, and Don McManus – five actors with one line each (myself included), and about 40 extras carrying musical instruments who are all dressed up like members of an orchestra. We actors have our own chairs in a sweet little chill-out area near the monitors so we can watch the filming with the Director when we’re not being used. The extras have to stand on set.

9:20am – While the direction team meticulously places and choreographs the extras around the set, the small-time actors compare notes about agencies and experience. I couldn’t care less. Principal actors are all in hiding. And it turns out that most of the extras are actually musicians. Cool.

10am – Bocata time!

10:30am – Everybody into positions! We’re gonna try this mother!

10:40am – My God musicians are difficult to work with. They’re constantly goofing off, making jokes, or messing around with their instruments when they’re not supposed to. A challenge to wrangle back into position, it’s like working with children.

11am – Elijah decides that my line should come a little earlier in the sequence so we work out the new timing. Just the two of us. The Director is cool with what we come up with and thanks me for my sharp timing. My smile is large.

11:15am – One of the extras just came up to me and asked, “Hey, weren’t you in Red Lights?” I have no idea how he recognized me. I was on screen for about 10 seconds.

11:50am – Huge change. One of the other bit-parters is not working out. A Dutch guy, his accent and timing are slowing things down and the Director, though very patient, is frustrated. The Director decides to swap my role with the Dutch guy. Instead of three words, I’ve now got five complete sentences! Score!

12:10pm – I got excited and was over acting on that last take. Nobody told me. I just knew. Time to tone it down.

1:20pm – Each take keeps getting technically better and better. If something goes wrong at the beginning, we just start over. There’s no need to reset everything first. But if something goes wrong at the end, there is a huge moan from everyone and it takes at least five minutes to set up for another take.

2pm – Lunch!

2:25pm – Sitting at the “actors’ table”. Three principal actors at one end, five glorified extras at the other. To even the sides out, I sit with the big guns and quickly find myself in a conversation with Elijah, Don, and Alex about Game of Thrones. Very cool guys. Don particularly seems like a nice guy with tons of knowledge that I would like to hang out with. Alex is friendly but a bit more entrenched in the industry. And Elijah, while very kind and sincere, has trouble maintaining eye contact and tends to cut people off, which spurs all sorts of justifications in my mind. Not fair, I know. But the man is Frodo! How could anyone remain “normal” after that?

3:20pm – Back from lunch, the Director is editing something on his laptop. He has apparently been filming snippets for a personal side project between each take of this film. A documentary/homage to AC/DC, or something like that? On the most complicated day of shooting! This guy is good. I was wondering why he was playing the ukelele this morning.

4:20pm – Take 18. Best one yet! I would print that one. But I’m not in charge. We go for another.

4:35pm – Between takes, the Director came up to me with a curious look and asked me if I had auditioned for his first film back in 2004. I had. “I never forget a face”. How awesome is that!

4:45pm – Take 20. This is one long sequence.

5pm – Check the gate!

5:01pm – The gate is clean! And Elijah has finished his work on this film. Cheering, hugs, tears, thank-yous, speeches, good-byes. I filmed a bit of the celebration but feel weird posting it so I won’t. Elijah made a very sweet speech and apparently really enjoyed working on this film and with the Director. I feel like a bit of an intruder, having only worked this one day on a two-month project. But happy to have been part of it even if just for the one day.

All in all, a very positive experience. I loved the intricate methodology that the traveling sequence required. Reminded me of filming a lipdub. I don’t know much about the rest of the film. It was very hush-hush. But the few things that I did hear sounded very interesting. And I didn’t get to work with John Cusack, which was a shame. But the film was filled with friendly and talented people. It should come out sometime in 2013. Check it out.

So… I’m playing a Conquer Club game at the moment (current obsession!) on a map entitled The Colonization of Africa. While I’m planning my attack, Sebastian comes up from behind me and asks, “What’s that map?”. He likes maps. So I tell him it’s Africa. He says, “Wow, it’s so big!”, to which I agree. He asks where we live and I show him (Barcelona is small!). Then he asks what the blue parts of the map are and I tell him that’s the Sahara (Oh!).

Then he notices a red flag in the east and asks what it is. I tell him, “The Ottoman Empire”. Sebastian informs me that this is far far far away, but looks a bit confused. So I clarify by saying, “That’s where Turkey is”. To which, his face lights up and he says, “Like Jo!”

And now I’m confused.

“Did you say, ‘Like Jo’?”

“Yes!”

I think for a while, practice stream of consciousness exercises, but don’t make the connection.

Finally I get it.

“Yes, Sebastian! That’s right! We went to Jo’s house for Thanksgiving and we ate turkey!”

I love when they do things like that.

I’m pretty sure that last night was the first time in her life that Emily came home after midnight. So is the life of a movie star.

Yes, last night Emily participated in her very first film project. I’m not supposed to say much about the film while it’s still in production, so let’s just say that it stars John Cusack and Elijah Wood and is called Grand Piano.

Last month I was invited to audition for a small role in the film. Everything went very well, I hit it off with the casting director, and we began to chat. She mentioned in passing that they were having a hard time finding the kids that they would need for the film. I asked what they were looking for exactly and she said a six-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy. I casually whipped out my phone and showed her pictures of Emily and Sebastian and her face lit up with excitement. I brought them and Jan in later that afternoon to audition. Jan’s American accent may have tripped her up and Sebastian managed to sabotage his own audition by screaming and refusing to have his picture taken, but Emily and I nailed it. Fast forward to last night.

Emily was cast as “Camera Girl”. We spent the night shooting in Barcelona’s central post office (after hours) with Kerry Bishé, who was super friendly. In fact, everyone on set was super friendly. From the director and the sound technician to the camera operator and the girls in hair and makeup. Emily’s mother in the scene was played by a woman named Rachel whom I had never really met before but we have some friends in common and I was very familiar with her local celebrity status as she runs the hottest karaoke night in Barcelona, nay, in the world. Rachel, as well, was wonderful with Emily.

I am so happy that we had the pleasure to work with so many kind people because I was honestly worried about how the night would go down. Emily is usually in bed by 8:45 but last night that was her call time in hair and makeup. Having her hair done was one of her favorite parts of the experience, by the way. Not because she enjoys being fussed over, but because it was in a trailer and, as she so excitedly put it, “had never been in a real camper van before”.

Emily was very shy going into the whole situation, even threatening to back out on a couple of occasions over the past week. And seeing so many people on set only intimidated her more. But she stuck with it, held her head high, hit her mark, delivered her line, was cute and courteous, and managed to stay awake through it all. We are bursting with pride.

Since being cast in this film, two other feature films have contacted us to request that Emily audition for them. But Emily was not interested. She said that she was already working on a movie and didn’t want to do two at the same time. Fair enough. Now in retrospect, she says that she really enjoyed the experience, but might wait until she’s a little older before doing another one. I’ve got my day of shooting next week.

And here’s some bootleg footage of Emily’s scene. Look at how she hits her mark and delivers her line with cuteness and conviction. Like a pro.

Summer, along with all of its glorious holidays and exotic travels, just ended and my next play is set to begin rehearsals this weekend. So I guess I had better start blogging now or else I’ll miss my chance again. That keeps happening to me. Whenever I have something amazing to write about I can’t, because I have no time, because so many amazing things are happening. Ironic? So many things to write about.

By the way, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m pretty much just blogging for myself now – for posterity – and for the three or four of you still out there reading this. But that’s OK. Hi.

I’ve actually been wondering if I should just throw the whole blogging towel in. I get the feeling that Facebook has the potential to replace this blog in a very elegant way. I mean, what do I do here? I write updates, I post photos and videos, and I share links. All of that can be done on Facebook and there are a whole lot more people receiving the feed there than here. But it’s the fact that I don’t own anything I post on FB that keeps me going here. They could close shop tomorrow and I could potentially lose everything. Not to mention the fact that everything you post on FB is submitted into the big marketing machine that sells your personal data to direct advertising corporations. You do know that, don’t you? I don’t like that.

So… write something! OK. I’ll start tomorrow. I promise.

While we’re cleaning house, here’s one more from a few months back. It’s amazing how much Sebastian’s speech has developed since then. I’ll have to post a more recent video sometime soon for you to compare.

Here, Sebastian is propelled into the air by daddy’s feet. Enjoy.