I needed a new pair of jeans so Jan accompanied me downtown to check out “the sales”. There were a bunch of jeans that looked great on the rack but, upon closer inspection, turned out to be button fly. I estimate that 80-85% of the jeans on sale were button fly. I hate button fly! I cannot stress this enough.

Jan insisted that the button fly was “retro” and therefore in fashion, but I’m not buying it. What is the point of a button fly? Can anyone tell me? A zipper can be opened in half the time and a button fly takes approximately seven times longer to do up – plus is hurts my fingers. It can’t possibly be a fashion statement because no one can even see it under that denim flap. And if anyone is close enough to actually tell what type of jeans-fastening-mechanism you are utilizing, I imagine that the 50% decrease in opening time of the zipper would be much appreciated.

I went from rack to rack looking for the few pairs of jeans that had zippers and they were all lame. So I bit the bullet and bought a pair of otherwise perfect jeans. The first time I wore them I was frustrated and angry after going to the bathroom only two times. The next time I wore them, I decided to sneakily leave one of the buttons undone in an attempt to optimize the restroom visiting experience – nobody can tell, anyway. I was happy with the results but it still wasn’t enough. I’m typing this entry right now with two of the buttons undone, but I’m also at home. I don’t think I would be this brave in public. And I can’t just stick them in a drawer and forget about them because they’re so comfortable to wear and they look so good. And I can’t just buy another pair of jeans because the world has apparently gone mad. Why can’t I find a decent pair of jeans with a zipper? What’s the deal with the damn button fly?!