Tuesday September 5

10:00am – The Doctor’s Visit
Though almost a week after the supposed due date (liars!), Jan and I went to the doctor for a routine check up. Yes, Dr. Cararach! They hooked Jan up to a baby monitor and listened to Little Girl’s heartbeat. Doctor said, “So, how are you feeling?” to which Jan replied, “OK I guess. Little Girl is moving around quite a bit, but I haven’t had any contractions yet.” Doctor checked the monitor and said, “I hate to argue with you, but you’re having a contraction right now!”. To our surprise, it turned out that some contractions were already well on their way but very slight in nature and still in the very early stages. After a poke around, Doctor said, “Best go home and, if they intensify, come back later this evening.” On our way home, we took a leisurely walk around the hospital grounds – famous for their tranquil scenery through which many a pregnant woman expectantly wandered.

1:00pm – Go Home
Took a cab home. Made sure the hospital suitcase was packed. Jan cooked spinach cannelloni and baked potatoes.

3:00pm – The Contractions Really Start
It was somewhere between the spinach cannelloni and our afternoon viewing of The Simpsons that Jan started to really notice the contractions. She had to keep heading over to the couch to bend over and lean on the side while breathing – this made finishing her lunch difficult and watching The Simpsons nearly impossible! It got to the point where they were coming about every five minutes and they were so strong that she could no longer stand up straight. If everything continued along these lines for another hour, we were supposed to then head to the hospital. We tried a bit of the labor dance and then a warm bath. Both helped a bit but it was clear there was no heading back. After almost two hours of these “significant” contractions accompanied by the expected moaning, we hopped into another cab and headed back to the hospital.

5:00pm – To The Hospital We Go
What a freak that cab driver was! He didn’t say a word to us the entire journey and just sorta glared at us every once and a while. And it was very thoughtful of him to aim for every pothole in the street while Jan was doing her best to conceal her ever-increasing pain. The cab driver dropped us off at the ambulance entrance of the hospital (which he wasn’t supposed to do) and then drove off with my change! They quickly admitted Jan and hooked her up to another monitor (even though they weren’t happy that we had entered through the ambulance entrance). I had to wait in the waiting room while they evaluated Jan’s condition. I don’t like waiting in waiting rooms.

7:00pm – Dilation Room
We were sent to the dilation room… to wait. After an initial check, Jan was 4cm dilated – not nearly enough to move on to the delivery room. The hospital staff was absolutely amazing – a very friendly, young, and knowledgeable group of midwives or nurses or whatever the heck they were who did all they could to make our stay with them as bearable as possible. Jan, at this point, was in terrible terrible pain and was starting to question our determination to have a natural child birth. We spent the next few hours just trying to survive. Hot showers and breathing exercises were no match for the mighty Mother Nature. After all the experience we had with those baby monitors, I was actually able to read all the statistics on it so I knew when a contraction had hit. “OK, breath in slowly through your nose” I’d say. “I can’t!” Jan would scream back at me. “I can’t breathe!!” Then, of course, the midwife would come in the room and tell Jan to breath in slowly through her nose and she did. I’m glad I was able to fulfill my function of being the one person in the room at whom Jan was allowed to scream.

10:00pm – Dilation Room
Now things started to get scary. Jan was in such terrible pain with every seismic contraction that she started asking about the availability of drugs. I calmly reminded her of our initial desire for a natural birth and, at the same time, I registered the look of complete fear that was in her eyes. She emphasized her desire for body-numbing relief and I went to get the anesthesiologist to come round for a visit. In the end, we opted for an epidural and now, in hindsight, we both think it was the best decision considering the circumstances. In just a few moments, Jan was no longer afraid for her life and was even able to maintain a civil conversation. In fact, in a moment of sheer pre-birth bliss, I was even able to capture on film this impromptu version of Wham’s ‘Young Guns’ (notice the baby’s heartbeat marking the percussion):

Wednesday September 6

1:00am – Delivery Room
Eight centimeters of dilation were eventually reached. So, with the Dilation Room having done its job, we headed off to the Delivery Room. I donned my scrubs to the sound of a Russian woman screaming her head off in the next delivery room as a result of her being refused any drugs because of her lack of a photo ID. The doctor had Jan try a “practice push” just to see how things were progressing and, with the very first push, the midwife had me step around to have my very first peek of Little Girl’s head! It was amazing. We had pondered what she would look like on many occasions. I was convinced she would come out blond, like I did. But she didn’t look blond in that fleeting moist moment. I said to Jan, “Well, she’s not blond.” I was so excited, I must have repeated that phrase three times. Which was very funny because the midwife then said to Jan in Spanish, “Looks like she’s blond!”. Anyway, the pushing continued and all of the doctors said they were very impressed with Jan’s pushing abilities. I’m not sure if it was because of the drugs, but though it was definitely no walk in the park, the pushing seemed much easier than the contractions. I grasped Jan’s shoulder with one hand and her wrist with the other (a little too tight, I think) and “helped” her push push push her way into motherhood!

3:05am – Emily is born
My God, she was purple! And with all the neck fat hanging over her shoulder she kinda looked like Bib Fortuna! But she was mine and I would have to learn to love her even if she did inherit most of Jan’s genes. Ha! Just kidding. She was blue but she was beautiful. They handed little Emily to her mommy and I started snapping photos like there was no tomorrow. Not only of Emily and mommy Jan, but of the entire operation. The room was filled with muck and gore and I found it all terribly fascinating. I even got an amazing shot of the placenta when it finally came out. The nurse called me the second biggest weirdo she had ever met (after that one couple that requested bits of the placenta to eat right then and there in the delivery room). While one nurse stitched up our Mommy of the Year, another nurse cleaned off little Emily, put funky gook in her eyes, weighed her (3.5kg), measured her (49cm), and dressed her in the unfortunately large clothing we had brought for her. Her shorts and socks were almost big enough for Jan! She looked a little like a tiny hip-hop star when they were all done with her. And when they were all done with Jan the entire delivery team congratulated us and left us all alone, just the three of us, to bond and smile and gush and breathe a much needed sigh of relief.

6:00am – Our Room
We spent the next 48 hours there in the wonderfully private room that we paid extra for. I say “paid extra” but it was the only thing we paid for during the entire pregnancy! Prenatal classes, doctor visits, delivery, epidural, midwives, hospital stay, diapers, medicine – all free of charge. God bless socialized medicine. Anyway, I say “private room” because there were no other patients in the room with us. But that didn’t stop the nurses from coming in and checking on the girls every half hour. Seriously. I did the math and I wouldn’t be surprised if they checked on us 96 times over the course of our two days there. But I shouldn’t complain. Absolutely everyone we dealt with was wonderful and friendly and caring. Except for that one midwife… but I’ll tell you about her some other time. With Emily in the room with us, and under the watchful eyes of the hospital staff, we had a crash course on parenting. Diapers, breast feeding, burping, umbilical cords, baby baths, sleep deprivation – the works! When Emily had all of her test and Jan was finally ready to walk again, we bid the hospital a fond farewell and headed home.

Friday September 8

1:00pm – Home
So now what the heck do we do?! When we got home, we put Emily in her little Moses basket and we just sat on the couch and stared at her for the longest time. It was so weird. Our lives have/are about to change in ways that we cannot even fathom. It’s scary and exciting and stressful and awesome all rolled into one. And Emily is the best! But she’s still not blond – we decided it’s more of an auburn.