Grandma Helen had big white curly hair. I’ve never known just how much of it was really hers, but the further back I remember, the more often that corona of white hair was surrounding a cheeky smile. It was fun making her smile. Later on, that smile was replaced by a look of confusion – one of those wide eyed and mouth slightly agape looks that seemed to accompany any monologue/rant that my dad was reciting at the moment. More recently, Grandma seemed to be angry most of the time. I can’t blame her. Grandma had some thick walls built up around her that kept people out in an attempt to keep her safe. The older she got, the more she believed that people were “out to get her”. I can’t claim to know her all that well – even when we both lived in New York it seemed like I saw my other grandmother more often, and she lived in Florida! All I can do is describe my personal experiences with her. Grandma always was a tough cookie.

To me, Grandma was always Christmas. She was cucumber salad and mushroom sauce. Grandma was green jelly candies in a glass jar, drab yellow sofas, thick carpeting, dark mysterious attics and basements, and squirrels. Grandma was also Easter. She was inflatable pink easter bunnies, celery and carrot sticks, BLTs, and egg cracking competitions. Grandma was my connection to a side of my family that, compared with my mom’s side, I never knew very well.

top row: Mom, cousin Robert, Grandma Helen, cousin Susan
bottom row: Amanda, cousin Kristin, Babcia, me, aunt Sandy, Rebecca

Grandma spoke of the old country. She received letters from distant cousins in Poland – people whom I could never imagine, living in lands that might as well have been make-believe. My first experience with learning a foreign language was when my sisters and I had to learn how to say “Thank you, grandma” when we received our Christmas presents. “Dziękują, Babcia.” I wish I knew more about our roots. I wish I knew more about my Grandma Helen. I hope she went to a better place this morning and is happier now that she is with her husband again, the love of her life, after being apart for so many years.