Thursday (cont’d)

10:00pm – This evening’s entertainment is apparently a “Mr. Cala d’Or” competition. They asked me to participate; I declined. It’s a good thing, too. The events include such activities as drinking sangria, ripping off your shirt and doing push-ups, kissing as many women in the audience as possible, a twisted version of Simon Says, and a lip sync performance in drag. All the little kids from the kiddie disco are watching from the front row. This would not go down well in a hotel in the US. I’m sure I would do pretty well in this competition. But as Jan astutely pointed out, I probably would try too hard to do everything well. My favorite contestant to watch is the guy from Germany who just has a blast with each event, not worrying about where he’ll finish. The Italian guy is too cool for school. The Dutch guy is out to win it all. The Spanish guy is a bit hopeless.

11:00pm – Before they announce the winner of the competition, they invite everyone on stage to dance. Jan and I jump up for a boogie. The two songs they choose have surprisingly sexually explicit lyrics and choreography. More surprising is the children from the kiddie disco (who haven’t gone to bed yet) who know all the moves! I swear, a little four year-old boy is simulating doggie-style intercourse in front of Jan and me right now. This would not go down well in a hotel in the US.

11:20pm – The Italian just won the Mr. Cala d’Or competition and Jan, Andrés, and I are off to walk around town and find a bar.

11:30pm – Karaoke bar from last night is open. And there’s karaoke. Score!

Friday

8:00am – I woke up with Sebastian again at 7am. Not cool. I’ve taken him down to the pool so as to not wake up Emily and Jan. Nobody has placed any towels on the deck chairs yet because they’re all locked together and don’t become available until 8:30am. The Germans are circling like buzzards, waiting to claim every last chair the moment that lock comes off.

10:20am – One of the entertainment directors just asked me if I wanted to do some rifle shooting in 10 minutes out behind the hotel. This would not go down well in a hotel in the US.

11:00am – I’m not going to do much swimming today. Instead, I’ve finally taken out my camera. I’ve been meaning to do it since we got here but we’ve been immersed in water every waking moment. I know I’ve missed some amazing shots, but I’ve got them in my head. The one where I was swimming, looking up at Emily standing on the side of the pool with her floaty vest in front of a couple of strong palm trees and the amazing blue sky was beautiful.

1:30pm – Why do I insist on eating every single one of the desserts available at every single meal? They’re not even that good!

4:00pm – Emily and Cata are off doing pirate activities this afternoon while I lounge in the kiddie pool with Sebastian. I love how people around the pool watch him in amazement as he jumps into the pool on his own and starts spinning around and flailing his arms and doing his bum drops in the water. I’ve never seen anyone get so much joy out of swimming before. It’s beautiful.

4:45pm – On our way to the bar for some snacks, Sebastian and I just passed a group of eight year-olds being lead in a game of beer pong by hotel activity coordinators. This would not go down well in a hotel in the US.

6:00pm – I just walked out of our room and saw Emily and Cata playing in the hallway outside. They are wearing the same exact dress. It felt way too much like a scene from The Shining.

9:00pm – We decided to let the kids stay up a little bit later than usual tonight to attend the kiddie disco (which starts at 8:45!). Cata made a beeline for the stage. Emily had a fit of the shyness and is on Isabella’s lap. Oh well.

10:25pm – I am now the official Cala d’Or Gardens Rock-Paper-Scissor Champion!! The competition was grueling, and the crowd certainly wasn’t on my side to begin with (since I am apparently the only American in the entire hotel at the moment) but I triumphed in the end and won a bottle of Cava, which I dutifully gave to the guy I beat in the finals. I’m keeping my certificate, though.