Did you know that children develop and mature at more than seven times their normal rate when on holiday visiting family in small villages in England? It’s true.

We returned home this weekend from a lovely week with Jan’s parents in the bustling metropolis that is Outwell (near Upwell). Yes, it’s a village so small that they actually use the name of another equally tiny village to help people better understand where it is. I had a very nice time doing the things we always do at Jan’s parents’ house: sleeping, eating, watching TV, entertaining the kids, and desperately trying to find a nearby village with Internet access in a feeble attempt to connect to work so that everyone believes I’m just working from home and not actually on holiday. Ha! I’m kidding. Sort of.

We almost canceled out trip before we even left home when Jan’s mum said that she wouldn’t blame us for not traveling due to the massive swine flu scare. I was not scared at all about contracting swine flu. Until I started doing some research to see why everyone was so scared. Then I got scared. But we braved the claustrophobically diseased airplanes and the bacteria-laden trains with aplomb and, for the first time ever I believe, none of us got sick while in England. Huzzah!

OK, here’s the trip in a nutshell. Everyone behaved beautifully from taxi to airport to plane to train to car to grandparents (including Jan). Emily was happy to see Granddad, very happy to see Grandma, and very very happy to see Chelsea (the cat). The weather was sun, rain, sun, sun, rain, cloudy, cloudy. Homemade meals at the Claytons’ are always delicious and coma-inducing. The backyard was fun for hide-and seek and gymnastics but interesting day trips included a giant soft playpark and a farm/petting zoo. The “award-winning” pepper corn steak pie at The “Hairy” Arms with Garry was delicious and fun, but I’m not giving out my steak pie awards until I’ve tried a few more contenders. We got to spend time with both of Jan’s sisters, albeit briefly. After searching for an Internet café for two hours, I now know Wisbech like the back of my hand. And we spent an enchanting afternoon exploring a vast wild park and stately manor.

There. Now, when I get around to posting the beautiful photos that we took in a few days, you’ll know exactly what you’re looking at. It’ll be like you were there with us.

But back to that developmental factoid I claimed back at the beginning about the kids and the brains and the seven times in the villages. Of course, it’s complete bullshit. Or is it? Both Emily and Sebastian apparently went through some sort of quantum leap while we were in England, changing so much that I almost couldn’t keep up. Sebastian began deftly rolling from back to front and front to back, covering ground across the living room floor as he did so. He started proactively searching for things in his immediate vicinity to reach for, grab, and pull towards his face to either examine more closely or dutifully insert it into his mouth. And he found his voice. In addition to his canary-like chirping laugh, Sebastian would sometimes spend upwards of 20 minutes just doing this shouting/moaning/singing thing in an attempt to fine-tune his vocal chords, knowing full well that he’ll have to debate Emily one day. And speaking of the red-headed wonder, Emily didn’t learn any new tricks per se, but she developed a sense of maturity and clarity hitherto lacking in her conversations. I get such a kick out of her attempts to put such complex ideas into words. It’s like she’s inventing the entire language as she goes. It’s a wonder to observe.

This one’s for you, GG: