Thanks to the recent fluctuations in temperature, a lot of people have the sniffles. This includes Emily. Still in the best of spirits, her nose has been running like a bad joke about a refrigerator. She’s also getting very good at the impromptu snot bubble. We’re talking golf ball size. I have thus enlisted the help of the snot sucker.

As one would expect, Emily did not take too kindly to having the rubber ball jammed up her nose. She didn’t even like having anyone wipe her face with a tissue. But I guess my gentle touch and soothing words of encouragement have changed her mind on the subject. Now, not only does she calmly allow me to wipe her face if preceded with the words, “I gotta clean your nose”, she seems to light up with joy when I show her the snot sucker! She sits on my lap and patiently waits for me to vacuum her sinuses. Then, when the extraction is complete, she wrinkles her nose and giggles. I’ve even caught her picking up the rubber ball herself, touching her nose with it, and then sticking it into a tissue. This girl is awesome.

Why do I mention all this? As a precursor for the next statement, of course: tonight, I sucked more snot out of Emily’s head with one squeeze than I ever thought humanly possible. It was wonderful! She had so much gunk up there that the ball wouldn’t even suck at first. I had to squeeze the ball sideways to get it to retain its shape and start sucking. It felt like I had removed half her brain. It even made her eyes roll back in her head for a moment. And the feeling of accomplishment that swept over me was overwhelming. Knowing that there were 3 gallons less of snot clogging her little nose and stopping her from breathing made me feel so good. I think we’re all gonna sleep a little better tonight.